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Today I am continuing my campaign to become a hipster. Without access to the old intertronic network that the kids love so much, I am now relying on other sources for my information on hip people, as well as a proper explanation of what this “ster” thing is that I hear so much about.
I have come to the conclusion that it all must relate to that “hippity, hoppity hip hop-a-long” thing that has taken over the music industry, or at least that’s what the noise from the radio I found in a bin this morning sounds like. I think that’s what it’s saying anyway, it may be because I had to replace the aerial with a bucket of shrimp and plug the battery socket into the mains outside the bus depot before I could get it to work. Why do people throw things away when they are so easy to repair?
Anyway, this hippy-hop-a-long stuff requires special clothes, so I had to go on some long-range rummaging to assemble a new outfit. I found some amazing baggy trousers when rooting through a skip behind the local travelling circus. It was surprisingly easy to get in there – the clowns were very accommodating after I told them I was a bear.
Finding a huge jacket and some “bling” was more difficult, however. I decided to tape two smaller jackets together and that seems to have worked for now. Bling was more difficult, but I eventually settled on a string of cheap Christmas lights, which I wrapped around myself and stuffed the power lead down my trousers.
If I stand by the power outlet at the bus station, or run very quickly under the overhead power lines, then I light up something special. It’s made me quite a hit with the local kids!
I don’t like kids, they call me names like “old fart” and “you smell like turnips”. Maybe this whole hip-hoppity thing isn’t for me after all.
Greetings, fellow humanoids! It’s the new year and, as is the post-festive wont, I am making a resolution! Today’s resolution is to become a hipster. I heard it’s all “hip” and “trendy” and I’m all for things with hips in them, on account of how I was once accused of being a “hippy” due to having not had my hair cut that week.
I’m not sure what a “hipster” actually is, but I remember that “napster” was a thing once, so I’m assuming it’s got something to do with these Internets that I’m aways hearing about. I never really got into nets, but if it keeps people off the streets then I’m all for it. That way they don’t see me when I go rummaging through their bins.
So I strolled down to the local library and convinced the librarian to look the other way while I used their computers. I typed in “hips” and found lots of interesting pictures! Maybe this “hipster” thing won’t be too difficult to get into after all!
My initial efforts to download these hips was thwarted because I haven’t a clue what “downloading” actually is. I asked my good friend, Scabby Jeff – the guy who hangs around at the used shoe recycling plant and he told me it was something to do with pulling information off the computers. That sounded very technical, so I’m sure it’s correct.
Anyway, I tried pulling the hips off the computer but all that happened was the screen fell on the floor! Old Mrs Flibbet, the Librarian, then chased me out of the library claiming I’d damaged her collection of antique tiles. Who keeps antique tiles by a computer anyway? The woman was asking for trouble!