Today I am continuing my campaign to become a hipster. Without access to the old intertronic network that the kids love so much, I am now relying on other sources for my information on hip people, as well as a proper explanation of what this “ster” thing is that I hear so much about.

I have come to the conclusion that it all must relate to that “hippity, hoppity hip hop-a-long” thing that has taken over the music industry, or at least that’s what the noise from the radio I found in a bin this morning sounds like. I think that’s what it’s saying anyway, it may be because I had to replace the aerial with a bucket of shrimp and plug the battery socket into the mains outside the bus depot before I could get it to work. Why do people throw things away when they are so easy to repair?

Anyway, this hippy-hop-a-long stuff requires special clothes, so I had to go on some long-range rummaging to assemble a new outfit. I found some amazing baggy trousers when rooting through a skip behind the local travelling circus. It was surprisingly easy to get in there – the clowns were very accommodating after I told them I was a bear.

Finding a huge jacket and some “bling” was more difficult, however. I decided to tape two smaller jackets together and that seems to have worked for now. Bling was more difficult, but I eventually settled on a string of cheap Christmas lights, which I wrapped around myself and stuffed the power lead down my trousers.

If I stand by the power outlet at the bus station, or run very quickly under the overhead power lines, then I light up something special. It’s made me quite a hit with the local kids!

I don’t like kids, they call me names like “old fart” and “you smell like turnips”. Maybe this whole hip-hoppity thing isn’t for me after all.