Greetings, fellow humanoids! It’s the new year and, as is the post-festive wont, I am making a resolution! Today’s resolution is to become a hipster. I heard it’s all “hip” and “trendy” and I’m all for things with hips in them, on account of how I was once accused of being a “hippy” due to having not had my hair cut that week.

I’m not sure what a “hipster” actually is, but I remember that “napster” was a thing once, so I’m assuming it’s got something to do with these Internets that I’m aways hearing about. I never really got into nets, but if it keeps people off the streets then I’m all for it. That way they don’t see me when I go rummaging through their bins.

So I strolled down to the local library and convinced the librarian to look the other way while I used their computers. I typed in “hips” and found lots of interesting pictures! Maybe this “hipster” thing won’t be too difficult to get into after all!

My initial efforts to download these hips was thwarted because I haven’t a clue what “downloading” actually is. I asked my good friend, Scabby Jeff – the guy who hangs around at the used shoe recycling plant and he told me it was something to do with pulling information off the computers. That sounded very technical, so I’m sure it’s correct.

Anyway, I tried pulling the hips off the computer but all that happened was the screen fell on the floor! Old Mrs Flibbet, the Librarian, then chased me out of the library claiming I’d damaged her collection of antique tiles. Who keeps antique tiles by a computer anyway? The woman was asking for trouble!